Hidden times two.
One, my dog, Linus as he is nick named, is part doberman. Of course to look at him with his mainly white and speckled coat you might have to do a second take to realise the head really is that of a doberman. He is truly hidden by his other breed, the Kelpie. I like to call him doberman incognito.
Two, the pic itself, a pic of him staring at me through the blinds. He does this only when my husband goes away. He follows me everywhere. He lies somewhat hidden behind the blinds ‘sleeping’ but most times I turn around to find him staring at me. I let the ‘sleeping dog lie’ pretending to be just taking a nap, his real agended of guarding me is hidden… Mind you he is none too impressed to see me taking a photo. He has been found out.
It seems this week things have come to a head. Everywhere I turn I’m confronted with a screaming reality that I can no longer ignore. This morning I looked up the weekly photo challenge, ‘Hidden’ and realised what was really hidden had nothing to do with a photo challenge. It did however, have everything to do with me. The difference? Fear.
In this blog I’ve toyed, hinted or alluded to writing a book. Not a novel, not a feel good book but a sad, gritty and emotional juxtaposed true story of the past and present. It is the story of a WWII bomber crew, my journey of researching their lives and sadly their deaths as well as what I have come to realise by learning about these men.
I have the “Courage 2 Create” as Ollin’s blog sparks many to do but I do not have the courage to believe in myself. I do not have the courage to believe that my book writing will have the power to do what I feel it must do, pull at the heart-strings of the reader with its simple honesty and by doing so keep the boys, and all like them, alive in memory. Can the book possibly do for others what writing it has done for me? Will it have the power to create a love for someone you never knew?
Today is my first step, a step of courage in saying out loud that I am afraid of not succeeding in doing my duty to the crew. I fear letting down their families. I fear that my efforts will not be enough to make the boys live again if only in a book. I fear that you will not love them as I love them.
My motto: May Courage Overcome Fear.
My photo: Rain. In everything and in everyone there is something hidden. Rain is what we see but its elements are two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen and yet they are hidden in a way. Without them we would not be here.
For the past month I have had family staying from over seas. In the course of that time I have written nothing but I have taken many photos and just enjoyed the writing free zone of my home. Today I am trying to reacquaint myself with the keyboard. Yesterday was a complete flop. I was tired, flitting about from empty room to empty room like a mother bird who had lost her grown chicks and I had no incentive to pick up where I had left off a month ago. My writing kick had feathered off to a far off land and left me behind.
Writing from home usually means I often continue to think about writing from the moment I get up to the moment I go to sleep. I don’t seem to be able to separate work and home time. I have never been that great at it even when I worked outside the home and that was not as a writer. Work always follows me everywhere. Of course when working at home it would help to have a designated writing room set aside. I, however, spend much of my day going from house task to house task intermixed with writing at the kitchen table. It is definitely not the best situation.
I often notice, while out at a cafe or the like, that there seems to be one or more people writing on their lap top. This I cannot fathom. I cannot imagine being able to get anything done in the confines of a little table and chair set in a corner of a busy eatery. I suppose it has great advantages when trying to write a restaurant scene or gathering character traits of eating, drinking and socialising. For me it would be a total distraction. I would probably be taking more notes of the things going on around me than actually writing anything coherent. Besides, my writing for the past two years has been non fiction. It has been a labour of finding fact and truth among misinformation, errors and perceptions.
I have wondered if being part of a writing group would help centre me a little but then I question whether my mind would deviate from its present focus by the comments and or inspiration of others. Many groups write fiction. I prefer non fiction or fact made into a form of fiction. I believe the best stories are based on truth but getting to the truth is not always so easy. There are many versions of the truth in any one situation. It all depends on how one experiences the events. For example, a man and woman speaking loudly in the street will have a different perception to what is going on than a person walking by or the child holding on to the speaking woman’s leg. Each person carries a set of assumptions or beliefs about the other people regardless of whether they are correct or not. We all do it. Our thoughts can be automatic, off the cuff gut reactions triggered by what we initially notice. They may or may not be based on reality.
Saying this I have come no farther in beginning my writing for the day. All I am doing is spilling out words on the page in the hope of getting a spark of motivation to get back into the swing of things and finish my book. So, I suppose the question I’m asking myself is why bother to write this in the first place instead of reading what I have already written for the book as a means of getting back into the stew? The answer is I guess I do need some other stimulation, some human conversation, a kick up the butt or some other form of persuasion now and again to tell me writing for truth, writing with a purpose, has merit. I know it does but it helps to hear it from someone who has been there or can see where I am coming from.
Are there any non fiction writers or any cheerleaders for non fiction out there interested in mutual support?
While photographing a frog on the deck during the evening I happened to look up in response to the sound of another frog. There he was peeping out of the metal support beam. The hole in the beam was there to allow for the beam to be attached to the brick wall of the house. For the frog it was an opportunity to avoid predators such as the Cane Toad. It was a perfect place to hide.
Okay, so last week I never got on-line to send in my weekly photo let alone anything else. It has been more than a little bit stressful and hectic here.
So, this week I am trying to at least make up for it with a good photo.
I had no idea what I was going to do for the weekly challenge of ‘possibility’ when it just came about of its own accord. I live on a property with citrus trees. While checking the trees this week I found them covered in bronze orange stink bugs still in their nymph form. If you don’t know, I didn’t, they are a nasty bug which sucks the sap out of the trees making the fruit and leaves drop off. They are very difficult to get rid of and I am not allowed to use pesticides here so I was left with few alternatives. In the end we ended up having to remove them one by one, by hand. I’m still working on this as some are too high up to reach.
Gloves are a must as is eye protection. They squirt out fluid which is caustic. It can burn the skin and cause temporary blindness. If you get the fluid on your skin it leaves a very dark orange stain. To top it off they really stink!
Once we had collected the nasty critters I took some photos. One was so interesting I had to share it with you as this weeks challenge of ‘possibility’. Why? This nasty bug, in plague proportions, has given me such a beautiful artistic photo which I would have never thought up myself. It is definitely the most unusual of possibilities! I hope you enjoy.
I’m sorry for the copyright stuff but this one I love.
Next week I should be back to doing my full on writing for those of you who enjoy the stories.
These are older photos. One is a proper sunset and the other is just taken at around the same time but is about the roos and not the sun. I might add a new one at some point this week if I can get a good shot.